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One Liners


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An Unknown Member Started this topic in February of 2007:


I want to hear your best lines, stories or ? you get from vehicle owners when they call or come to get there vehicle.

I don't know how you sleep at night?
You guys are only in this business to make money.
You run some great little scam here.
You steal cars, do you also kill people?
If I didn't show up, in how many days do you strip my car?
Where's all the cash that I left in the car?

OK, now it's your turn - let's hear some of the good ones that you've been told by vehicle owners.


AllCountyTowing said:

I don't know how you sleep at night? - i dont.. i work nights
You guys are only in this business to make money. - umm..yeah??? no question there?


fairway said:

I hope you enjoy that money, I had it shoved up my a** for the last 1/2 hour on the way over here.


twinbulls said:

ALL of the above plus

You must be a millionair .. From your $100 bucks???

Does this make you happy? Sure

Can you tow it back ?? NO or for $$$

You %&$#%$&$ loser you %^$#@* your &*&^$ Thats the best you got ??

HOW did you tow it ??? I parked it a certain way ?? We own TOW TRUCKS..

If you touch my car I will break your face.... OK how do you think it got here

I know you pay a kick back to someone ??? for you to park on the grass??

Can I get a discount ?? ah NO !!

I have permision to park there by I forgot his name.... oooK .

I know about other people who park in the tow zone now I will call you to tow them .... Thanks..

I want a discount.... you owe me one...... ok??? NOT !!!

I am calling help me Howard CH 7 news!!! GO right ahead....

I will call the cops and report YOU !! AND .....

Plus many more......



AllCountyTowing said:

You %&$#%$&$ loser you %^$#@* your &*&^$ -yeah, but i got your money

they tell me they're gonna call help me howard - i say, go ahead.. he lives 2 doors down from me(he actually does).. funny thing is that we've impounded his car before


bones5k said:

Why cant I use my AAA.
You have no right to remove my car it is unconstitutional.
I am a vietnam vetran.
I am a police officer. w/ no ID.
I am a fire fighter.
I will sue you
I own the property. w/ real owner standing next to me.
I ll trade you a beer.
I is my wifes car so you can tow it.
You destroyed my e-brake. rear wheel drive lifted from the rear.





Can i pick up my car now and pay you friday when i get paid?
uummm? No



ibflat2 said:

and when they are walking out to the vehicle after paying

Can I have the keys now ?

Hey you changed my tires ?

Whats that sticker on the windshield ??

A good reputation is more valuable than money.

Publilius Syrus (~100 BC)


capptow said:

My favorite is " I'm callinig the police" i say who do you think had the damn thing towed.

Also heard racist, prejudice.or I am coming to get the car so you cant steal all the stuff out of it.

I willget my car when your not there.. Our answer is "If you get over the fence and past the two pit bulls' you can have the car.



AllCountyTowing said:

"how'd you tow my car, i set my alarm?"
"how'd you tow my car, i had *the club* on it?"

"according to the law" and when i ask them what law... they say "the law" with an attitude... i guess thats the insert your own law here law


talmon said:

the other towing company didnt charge me that much the last time i went to jail!
YOU CHARGE more per hour than me,and I own a jewelry store

I love it the best when they think they turned off the cellphone,they didnt and you still can hear them run their mouth
My cousin owns a tow truck and its illegal to charge that much,you cant tow a car without the owners permision
The best is when they drive away and get on the road and call you back and threaten to file a lawsuit,whip your a**!
One father picked his daughters car up after a dui and accused me of body damage to the paint,i told him he was mistaken,i was sorry his daughter was slumming in the projects and she probably done it at the bar she left at 5am he shut up,apologized it,i guess truth does hurt sometimes


autoexpresstow69 said:

why did you tow my car/................uh..i was bored and it seemed like the thing to do.....

how about the 19 year old girls that show up 5 days later in a short denim mini skirt with no panties halter tops with no bras...and a couple of juiced up girlfriends saying what do ya think.......

we just say nice.....your bill is still 300.00

can we work out a deal?........sure if she can do 50 push ups with her leggs in the air we will knock off 10 bucks......


I Have Your Car said:

I am a police officer...are you still gonna charge me?(with ID)

Well first of all, if it was your black and white, it would not have been towed. Second, I'm a citizen! are you still gonna give me a speeding ticket?

How about," You towed my car 5 times already! This is the 6th time, can I get a discount?"

"Sure," I reply, "Check this out. You go out and get 5 speeding tickets. If the judge gives you a discount on your 6th ticket, I will refund you 3 times the total amount you ever paid me."Raymond Ray

Tow Zone Inc
"I'm the guy the parking signs warned you about..."
Placentia, CA


unknown member said:

That reminds me early in 05'
Stripper with her girlfriend
"How about a threesome and we call it even"?
My response: My wife wouldn't like that very much and I'd rather get Paid, Not Laid!


unknown member said:

I was called every name in the book when i towed at Stonehill College normally by some guy in a 3rd floor window.

Best one with campus cop next to me "You cant take my car!"...he says I have to.

Or the kids that are in college that cant read a 20 min parking only sign.


certifiedautomallNJ said:

Never had it from towing a car but fixing them get the ok then they dont wanna till next week and want the care screaming and yelling they will take car at night i say go ahead if you get it ill drop the bill cause your going to jail for B and E (thanks for telling me you were coming and put it inside... but as some have shown some grls have no respect for themselves and will do that to get out of a bill... very sad who would want a girl like that????? definetly not meMike,
Certified Auto Mall
5499 Rt 9 n
Howell NJ
Call if you need any help cell(732)620-3974


chip2830 said:

I once towed this womans taxi she was parked in a fire lane "I was only there a minute" she says, was holding call for 45mins before I got there and she came out yelling and screaming at me in a language that I wished I could of pressed 1 so I could understand her, she ended up putting a vodoo curse on me.(thats why I cant get away from towing)


hookrite said:

What happened too my full tank of Gas

Can you GIVE me a couple qts of oil

Can You GIVE me some Gas

Can You Jump start my Car (free)

Can we do some Horse trading (have you got a Horse)?

I'm going to write a letter to the IRS about you

I only have $25.00 You can write off the rest

The other towing service gave me a break when they towed my car




oldtrucks said:

From a kid with an Escalade "Did the cop's search it"."Tow them like you own them"


Dlock13 said:

"I don't have that kind of money. I'm going to get a lawyer." I'm sure the tow bill is a lot cheaper than a lawyer, but I guess that would seem too logical.



Tropical Towing said:

Done some impounds tonight, had a lady come to the lot to retrieve her vehicle, her commit, I work with wrecker drivers all the time and know you can give me a break. My response was, Yes I can but I don't like being called a F*&7g A$$ hole, I could but I'm not. Like I would have anyway. I have already contacted my attorney and you will be hearing from him. Have your attorney call my attorney and they will do lunch. This was at a veterinarian clinic that sets beside 3 yuppie restrants. She said she uses that vet for her dog. She is from the next county over, I hardly think so and the clinic was closed.
Pulled an old man's car out, he was 88 years old, very confused, He should not have been driving at all, and I mean AT ALL!!! He and his wife were standing in front of their car and demanding that I take them to their car to inspect it, he was leaning on it. I asked him for his driver license, he gave me a credit card. I finally got his license and after I gave it back to him he demanded I give his license back stating that I was a theif and was going to steal his license. He told me he had fought in the war and did not think he should be towed. This is a new one.
Had a fellow in a BMW, he said that the business was closed and he had the right to park their.
I guess if you are not using your driveway I can use it?
I had 3 call and ask "Just how do you think I am suppose to get their" DU CALL A CAB. The lady demanded that I return her car, for the same price as the original tow I will plus a fee.
A lady with a suburbon walked up to her car, in a very dimly lit part of the tow yard, you could hardly see anything and about 10 feet from the left front said I dented her right rear quarter pannel. I never even looked just said boy you walked right to that did not you, hum look at the dirt all over that dent and the rust on it, boy don't things rust fast in Florida, like in 30 mins.

I get a good laugh every day.


towinguy said:

A black lady came in the office to get her car and immediatly started accusing us of being racists. Using all kinds of language running down the white people. The driver that towed her car was in the out house and heard her yelling. He came out into the office and told her that he is the one that towed her pos car and proceeded to tell her to shut up in language that I cant use here. She shut right up when she realized the driver that towed her car was black also.

Still laugh at that one.Gregg


unknown member said:

I get all kinds of excuses and stuff... and my usuall response is "Thats a sad story...I don't care"

one lady was in w/her son who parked the car on the street of a higher end development. We towed it but she had to come in because she was the reg owner of the newer Nissan Altama, (she drove a bmw...that already makes her better than me in her head I guess and she acted like it.) the closest guy avail to do the impound was in a flat bed and He got the car, but was caught doing it by the son. At the release she wanted to speak to the owner reguarding our, "questionable" practices. I asked, "reguarding...?" and se spouted off saying about how the other driver should have let him have it back since her son came out. I educated her saying that, that would had been impossible since she was the R.O. She responded saying she could have been there in 15 mins. I told her that I was not the driver out there that night but if I was, she would have got there about 14 minutes after I left. She did not like that and handed me a bussiness card that the only thing caught my eye was her name and, "Attorney at Law." She said give this to your boss. I responded give it to him yourself, I am not your courier, I carry other peoples cars not their bussiness cards.

I called the boss the next morning, (since this was a little late) and warned him that I might have pissed off another one. He told me long before this, that as long as I don't violate the law reguarding impounds or their civil rights he doesn't care.


unknown member said:

I'm Philip Owen's (then city mayor)daughter! So? He'll take your business license! Fascinating. Are you going to pay for your car, or not? There's other people behind you that want service. And this chick was the most disreputable-looking thing, too. Tackle box contents imbedded in her face, dyed-black hair, etc., etc. The well-off kid trying to pose. No idea if she even was Owen's daughter.

R/O of a car towed from BC Place Stadium during a football game.I'm a friend of Nelson Skalbania! He's the owner of the BC Lions! Then you'd better phone him now and see if he'll pay for it, before he goes bankrupt again. He didn't like that, either.

I'm gonna sue you a**holes! Okay. What? I said, okay. Get in line. You're the sixth person tonight to say that. Well, f*** you!Slams phone down in my ear.

At front counter: What's your license number? I don't know. It's a rental car. Look on the keychain. There's a tag with the plate on it. Oh. Yeah. Heh.Pays for vehicle, submits license for ID, gets receipts.Do you guys have the keys?

Fine fellow clambers out of a taxi, and stomps up the front steps into the door.Gimme my f***ing car back! No.
What? I said no. I don't come to work to get sworn at by people like you, and I don't get paid enough to put up with it. If you haven't got any manners, you can just get back in that taxi and go away, and not come back until you do have some manners. And I went back to my desk across the room, answering phones and doing data entry. He stood at the counter for a minute or so, looking very non-plussed, before wandering back outside to see the taxi back out of the driveway and leave. He sat on the front steps for a couple more minutes before coming back inside. He was very artificially polite, verging on incivility, but it was please and thank-you all the way._____________________
It's so hard to find good help nowadays.


unknown member said:

Had a new one,
Where's my tires? You guys must have taken off my good tires and given me these crappy, bald ones!!!
I almost died laughing - Are you serious, I said.
Yes, I had better tires on that those, same brand though.


MTA415 said:

This one is very very rare but had a Big Rigger (y'all know the type) with his red suspenders and all mad that we towed away his KW that was parked in the fire lane at the Flying J. Threatened that he was gonna come back with the original and I quote "boys in da hood" and burn my place down! Plus it oughta be a law that blacks should'nt be able to operate wreckers. ROTFLMAO!!! Me and the crew are so thick skinned that you probably could'nt crack it with a jackhammer. We laughed about him for about a month. He also added that he would never call us to tow his rig and he will let all of his friends know not to call us either. "You promise" was my response with tears in my eyes!!! You just never know sometimes!I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand.



AllCareTowing said:

When person asks about drop fee:

driver: well I have good news and bad news

owner: what?

driver:the bad news is its going to cost $xx.xx to relase the car here, cash only

owner: whats the good news?

driver: I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to geico


MTA415 said:

I done that last week dude, driver failed to find the humor in it. The man had no social grace whatsoever!!!I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand.



AllCareTowing said:

I got a new one today. mgmt calls to have us IP a VW jetta, nosed in against a wall....wait manual tranny and its unlocked, I open the door and the car alarm starts going off (good thing they have an alarm, someone might take thier car he he he).

anyway the owner comes out as I'm getting out the dollies (wheels were turned hard right); I say "you must have heard the alarm huh"

he says (and I quote)

"thats what that was? I thought it was someones alarm clock"


oklatom said:

My favorite, from a woman popped for driving drunk.

"When they towed my for being drunk in (next town west) they only charged me (half of my price, set by the state)"

My reply: So get drunk there next time.



This is from a driver that just missed running into you at the scene of a road blockage accident after hitting the guard rail. "If you are with AAA I will let you change my tire." He ended up changing his own.


oklatom said:

I don't know how you sleep at night?
<Usually on my left side so I can answer the phone with my right hand when I get calls to tow cars>
You guys are only in this business to make money.
<Why else would anyone be in any business? To lose money?>
You run some great little scam here.
<Thank you. We try.>
You steal cars, do you also kill people?
<Well, not yet, but I'm beginning to consider it>
If I didn't show up, in how many days do you strip my car?
<If you call and tell us you aren't going to show up, it would be much easier.>
Where's all the cash that I left in the car?
<You mean the three quarters on the floor board? It's still there.>


unknown member said:

i was only parked there for 5 minutes
(we seen it there for 15)
my friend lives here and said it was ok to park
(where is the guest pass)
i am a friend of management
(i guess we are better friends)
i am going to ram your gate
(you haven't been the first to try it)


chip2830 said:

replie to I was only there for 5 mins. Well it took me 15 mins to load up and do the paperwork why didnt you say something than?


unknown member said:

What if it just jump the fence, it is my car anyways?

Uh, sure go ahead I forgot to feed the dogs about 3 days ago... they will be glad you dropped in 🙂 !!!


DennisMHDT said:

My favorite, that i hear at least once a day...

"But the police officer told me there was no charge"

well then i guess he's going to come down and pay for it??



bigwinch1 said:

had one a few years ago owner calls and asked canyou come pick me up at the jail so i can come get my car i responded with sure it will be $XX.XX for hook up and $xx.xx per mile he got a bit flustered hook up? i just need a ride told him i could do it for the price set or maby he should call a taxi taxie showed up about an hour later


Lamb Towing said:

When they want to write a check: "I guess you don't have a choice, I'm late for work and don't have time for your games". (Care to guess again?)


localtowie said:

Had a car in yard once belonged to a car dealer recovered stolen car.....

He told me ..... '' Im not paying your price **** towing [then opposition] would charge $..

'' Ill get helicopter and fly it out'' I told him i go hunting in my spare time often wondered if twelve guage would take chopper out....

He rang back immediately asked for manager of tow service idiot driver was unreasonable i was siting at switch waitng for call....

He paid...


kyresqtow said:

Y'all release rental cars back to the people that rented them??? I know here they would have a fit if we did that... RO only. I love nothing more than getting back to the lot with a rental and contacting the company informing them the car is impounded and let them come get it.... then when the ppl that had rented it come to get it.... the look of where is our stuff is priceless. Car and it's contents are back with the RO. contact them.

ChuckUD said:

This lady called & stated when asked what the problem was, ""My car just stopped", arrived to find the front end demolished, asked her what happened...she replied " it happened when I hit that cow"...this is true..she's a regular customer of ours .


BlackAutoload said:

"Here's my card, I don't get paid for 2 weeks though"


ChuckUD said:

One of my favorites " my car stopped running & I need it towed asap", my reply " where are you located?".
Response is"in my car"! I asked more directly "ok, where is you car located "?
Customer replies " I don't know".


MidnightMitch said:

"Can I just sleep in my car at your shop tonight?" And my reply was, "Sure, shop rate is $80 per hour, but we don't have free breakfast or wifi."  Gave him a ride to the hotel.
Mitch Lopina
Mitch's Auto Repair & Tow
Oakdale, Ca.


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